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The High Holy Days are beginning. It is the custom at this time to say that if I have offended you in the past year, I ask your forgiveness, and if you have offended me in the past year, I forgive you.
I'm not willing to do either, as a blanket statement. But if I have offended you in the past year, please tell me, and I promise to listen and try hard not to be defensive, explain myself if you want explanations, hear what you'd rather I'd done differently and see if I can implement it, and offer what apologies I honestly have it in me to give.
And to the extent which I can release you from an obligation that I didn't bind on you in the first place, you certainly don't need to forgive me this week, or ever. I really hate the idea of people feeling unentitled to their hurt and anger; if I earned it, I will carry it as long as you need, and Hashem can put it on my tab instead of yours. If there is such a guy and these really are his rules, I have a feeling that one's not going to be the dealbreaker anyway.
And if you've offended me in the past year... well, I can't think of anyone who did, other than strangers, who we didn't already talk and resolve it. I really only have a couple of old grudges left these days, and they're *really* old. But if you think you might have offended me in the past year, or at all, feel free to ask about it and I promise to tell you the truth. I don't find I can forgive people on purpose... it just happens naturally as I heal. But it does happen, and I will do what I can to make it heal faster.
I'm not willing to do either, as a blanket statement. But if I have offended you in the past year, please tell me, and I promise to listen and try hard not to be defensive, explain myself if you want explanations, hear what you'd rather I'd done differently and see if I can implement it, and offer what apologies I honestly have it in me to give.
And to the extent which I can release you from an obligation that I didn't bind on you in the first place, you certainly don't need to forgive me this week, or ever. I really hate the idea of people feeling unentitled to their hurt and anger; if I earned it, I will carry it as long as you need, and Hashem can put it on my tab instead of yours. If there is such a guy and these really are his rules, I have a feeling that one's not going to be the dealbreaker anyway.
And if you've offended me in the past year... well, I can't think of anyone who did, other than strangers, who we didn't already talk and resolve it. I really only have a couple of old grudges left these days, and they're *really* old. But if you think you might have offended me in the past year, or at all, feel free to ask about it and I promise to tell you the truth. I don't find I can forgive people on purpose... it just happens naturally as I heal. But it does happen, and I will do what I can to make it heal faster.
