In the past I was not comfortable with "the person who asks" for myself, even though I was fine with it for others, because I knew that I seldom if ever asked, and partly for gendered reasons.

Not that I think women shouldn't, but knowing some men do think that was a disincentive, especially combined with feeling that it isn't a very subby act and the fact that, being a mostly het girl, I could get away with indulging my shyness and fear of rejection and still *have* dates, because the men have been socialized to ask.

However in the course of writing this I realized it's not as true as it used to be. I've asked several guys out recently.