I feel like I'm giving the impression here that I hate batting my eyelashes, which is not the case at all. :) I'm happy to be "the girl."
For me the toxic part is the idea that being the sub is part of being the girl, as opposed to being two independent aspects of me, either one of which could exist just as well without the other. I'm happy to do both, but I'm not happy to have them be causally connected - and I'd have to be way more sure than I could be on a first date that the other person is on the same page as me before I'd be comfortable doing them together in a way that could be mistaken for conflating the two.
I suspect playing with a fantasy where they were causally connected would be powerful precisely because it is taboo -- but I'd have to be REALLY sure of the my partners' fundamentally not believing it for real before I ventured into that territory, and it would have to be very clearly labeled as a fantasy and not our regular dynamic. Which means we'd have to establish a regular dynamic first.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-11-14 04:30 pm (UTC)For me the toxic part is the idea that being the sub is part of being the girl, as opposed to being two independent aspects of me, either one of which could exist just as well without the other. I'm happy to do both, but I'm not happy to have them be causally connected - and I'd have to be way more sure than I could be on a first date that the other person is on the same page as me before I'd be comfortable doing them together in a way that could be mistaken for conflating the two.
I suspect playing with a fantasy where they were causally connected would be powerful precisely because it is taboo -- but I'd have to be REALLY sure of the my partners' fundamentally not believing it for real before I ventured into that territory, and it would have to be very clearly labeled as a fantasy and not our regular dynamic. Which means we'd have to establish a regular dynamic first.