(no subject)
Feb. 26th, 2006 12:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I think it's time to make my LJ sabbatical official. Which will, in the usual perverseness of me, make me immediately start posting again tomorrow.
I'll still be reading my friendslist when I can, and commenting when I feel inspired. Heck, I'll still be posting when I feel inspired. I just haven't been feeling inspired lately.
I think it's a side effect of the new job and the new boss -- not that both aren't hella cool, but I have teh Issues with fear of not meeting people's expectations, and right now there's enough areas of my life where I'm unavoidably putting bits of me out there in words, to be judged on criteria I'm not totally sure of, that one more no longer feels like fun.
This morning I was rereading a simple announce email to a mailing list before I sent it with the eye of dread and paranoia, and it finally clicked. I've been doing that a lot lately. I never used to worry about hitting send on any email that wasn't emotionally fraught. But now I'm in that place of "ack, too late to take it back" with *everything*. No wonder I didn't feel like posting the last couple of ficlets I've written, but just emailed them off to an audience of one, or none. No wonder none of my random thoughts on The West Wing or characters who are stuck repeating the same dynamic or real-life politics have jelled into words.
I don't expect this to be permanent. I'll be back once my stress levels settle out a little. Not having been to therapy since before the holidays? Also probably playing a role here. In the meantime, please bear with me. And don't worry, I'm happy and busy and fine. I'm just exploring the new and strange hobby of being quiet for a little while.
I'll still be reading my friendslist when I can, and commenting when I feel inspired. Heck, I'll still be posting when I feel inspired. I just haven't been feeling inspired lately.
I think it's a side effect of the new job and the new boss -- not that both aren't hella cool, but I have teh Issues with fear of not meeting people's expectations, and right now there's enough areas of my life where I'm unavoidably putting bits of me out there in words, to be judged on criteria I'm not totally sure of, that one more no longer feels like fun.
This morning I was rereading a simple announce email to a mailing list before I sent it with the eye of dread and paranoia, and it finally clicked. I've been doing that a lot lately. I never used to worry about hitting send on any email that wasn't emotionally fraught. But now I'm in that place of "ack, too late to take it back" with *everything*. No wonder I didn't feel like posting the last couple of ficlets I've written, but just emailed them off to an audience of one, or none. No wonder none of my random thoughts on The West Wing or characters who are stuck repeating the same dynamic or real-life politics have jelled into words.
I don't expect this to be permanent. I'll be back once my stress levels settle out a little. Not having been to therapy since before the holidays? Also probably playing a role here. In the meantime, please bear with me. And don't worry, I'm happy and busy and fine. I'm just exploring the new and strange hobby of being quiet for a little while.