Largely Composed of Hay

[Error: unknown template qotd]Science fiction and fantasy editor.

Sometimes I think that means books. Sometimes I think it means a  magazine. Sometimes I think it means book reviews. Sometimes I think I don't know or care whether it means any of those or something I haven't even thought of, because any job so describable would be self-evidently awesome.

I strongly prefer Dutch treat.

I don't mind people offering to pay, especially if they're the one who proposed the date, but I really get uncomfy when they insist... it makes me feel indebted, which I don't like, especially when I don't even have any concrete sense of what my side of the transaction is and therefore have no idea if I'm willing to take on the obligation or when I've met it. It's nothing as crude as "put out" but it's not quite nothing, either.

It also makes me reluctant to order what I really want (if I suspect it might happen) or feel guilty for doing so (if they surprise me with it after the fact) for price reasons, which is also uncomfortable.

It also makes me reluctant to agree to any more dates if I'm not absolutely sure that I'll be romantically/sexually interested in them, since I am potentially wasting their money. (And their time, but I'm wasting my own time at the same rate.)

It also makes me worry about what this says about their gender expectations... I am not a traditionally feminine woman; a guy who insists on fulfilling the traditionally masculine role is probably going to be a bad match for me in both directions... we're going to clash when I want to do for myself/be independent, and we're going to clash again when I fail to live up to the female side of the bargain.

(If it wasn't for gendered reasons, it might feel different, but in my 22 years of dating it's never NOT been a guy explicitly saying he feels he should pay because he's the guy.)

As I get to know the person better and it feels more like a relationship I do loosen up on this a little ... there can be more "you get this one I'll get the next one" once you're sure there's going to BE a next one, and concepts like "I treat you for a special occasion" or "I'll pay more because I have more disposable income than you" start to come into play.

That's not to say I've never let a guy pay. I have... three times. Because you get to a point where you're pretty much have to arm wrestle them for it, and it's undignified. But it's not a plus in my book.


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Stakebait was Spike's email address in a particularly cracktastic RPG I was playing with thebratqueen  once upon a time, in which I was everyone from Buffy's Sunnydale and she was everyone from Angel's L.A. Which itself was a spin-off of a cross-over between Strange Bedfellows, the Spike/Buffy fanfic series I was co-writing with buffybot , and Epiphany, the Angel/Wesley series TBQ was writing.

The cross-over was planned; the weird moment of Spike/Wesley chemistry at the end was not, and utterly failed to make sense in either continuity. So we AUed it and took it to email. But while most of our lots had obvious, if imaginary, email addies @uc.sunnydale.edu or @angel-investigations.com, that didn't work for Spike. So I came up with stakebait at hotmail and, in the interest of geeky authenticity, claimed it to make sure no one else did. When I finally got sucked into LJ for Jossverse fannish activities, it was a ready-made AKA.

It's a little weird now, since I've mostly gafiated from Buffy fandom and never found another to take its place. But it's got enough significant name recognition that I'm unlikely to change it, unless and until I get really bowled over by some new identity. (lorum_ipsum  is taken). I tend to have a new and unrelated username on every site anyway -- the only rule used to be that none of them contained numbers, and then I broke that with rankine916.

Besides, I still have a soft spot for that RPG, which ran for ages in email and chat and once, even an all-night phone call. Though it's been years since we took them out of the box, I still have most of those characters in my head, after their other versions have long since gone to sleep.

[Error: unknown template qotd]Two small dogs on a Vespa scooter, viewed from the back.

What that says about my subconscious I have no idea.